Dating can be a bit overwhelming as you are trying to get to know each other. This involves finding the right love language and balancing your actions so you are not seen as inadequate or coming on too strong.
Particularly as a born-again Christian, you struggle with where to draw certain lines between being romantic and tempting your partner or potential partner. Romans 14: 13 “Let us not therefore judge one another anymore: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling-block or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.”
Everyone desires to be wanted and loved; and flirting is one way to show your partner or potential partner that you desire that long term commitment with them. It keeps the relationship fresh and gives your partner something to look forward to especially since you have to abstain from sex during this period. 1 Cor 7:1-2 – “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Dating someone who is naturally flirtatious can trigger feelings of insecurity and jealousy. So, before you make the decision to flirt, ensure you have eyes for only one person. The flip side to not flirting at all means the relationship will be boring and might not stand the test of time. It is therefore important to strike the right balance to forestall this dilemma.
Set boundaries.
It is important for people who desire to enter into a relationship or who are already in a relationship to set and discuss their boundaries. Let your partner know the chip that will tip your scale. Setting standards around flirting and communicating on the subject is key especially if your partner is a natural when it comes to flirting. Do you feel aroused by certain actions and suggestive comments? Do you lack self-control in which case being together alone can dovetail into actions that you may never recover from? Discuss it and set boundaries around it.
Be self-aware of your flirting.
Romans 14:13B “but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.” Simply encourages that we look out for one another. Once you are aware of your partner’s weaknesses, it is your responsibility to ensure that you help that partner to remain strong through the dating process.
Don’t over touch or over compliment.
It’s ok to hug and say nice things to your partner – in fact, it is strongly advised that you do so. However, try not to comment or compliment your partner on their physical attributes as that may be quite suggestive and may start to put ideas in their mind. As much as possible, a hug or even a peck on the cheek or holding of hands should be the farthest you may want to go regarding touch. Any form of groping or excessive squeezing during hugs or even a tongue locking kiss might result in a desire to do more and is highly discouraged. There is a Yoruba (a tribe in western Nigeria) adage that goes: “whatever you are not prepared to eat, do not smell.”
Be careful with words.
Words are powerful. They make a huge impression on the person receiving them. Try to be as loving as you can by paying your partner compliments, but do not exaggerate or be too sensual in the process. Such efforts can be seen as trying too hard. Let it come naturally, be observant, if he/she has a new haircut or hairstyle – tell them how much it fits them. If he/she wears a nice outfit, tell them how nice it looks and how the color compliments their skin. Even in sending texts and emails you can tell them how much you miss them, or how you enjoyed your time together during the last date. However, don’t sound like a sorry project by using terms like “if you leave me, I will die or I can never live without you,” it makes you look desperate.
Acknowledge and respect each other’s feelings.
When your partner has concerns about you flirting, listen, acknowledge and apologize. It will also be a good idea to discuss such feelings. If you have a contrary opinion, share it lovingly not by imposing your point of view. Never flirt just to push buttons, such flirting is passive, aggressive and starts unnecessary drama.