Traits like low self-esteem, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, and emotional dependency have all been linked to jealousy in relationships. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and emotions need to be released. In a relationship, jealousy might simply be a sign that you need to communicate with your partner about your needs, insecurities, boundaries, and desires.
There are two types of jealousy: healthy jealousy and unhealthy jealousy. Healthy jealousy stems from feeling there is a potential threat and needing to guard a partner you love. This is completely normal and part of being human. However, if jealousy is triggered by fear and leads to acting from a place of suspicion, paranoia, or insecurity, then it’s unhealthy and not based in love. Healthy jealousy that is communicated in an open way results in growth in the relationship. This might look like one partner identifying insecurities and coming up with a plan to deal with them.
Some people have trust issues that stem from past relationships or breakups, and many times it is possible for couples to work through these problems with open communication, healthy boundaries, and patience. It can also be a complex emotion stemming from different sources such as abandonment issues, being cheated on in the past, or not feeling good enough/worthy. It might help to investigate and deal with the root cause.
How to deal with jealousy
Pray together: Praying together should be our default solution as Christians. It gives a sense of security that we are willing to get help from One who is able to solve all problems. It also shows intentionality and sincerity of purpose on the part of the suspected partner, who will be willing to come before God who knows all things; knowing full well that whatever is done in the secret will be revealed. Luke 8: 17
Don’t get defensive: The natural response for anyone who is open to finding a solution is to have an open mind. Once you start getting defensive, it almost seems like you want to shut out the concerns of your partner and justify what seems wrong in the eyes of your partner. It will help to reassure them that you want to work on the situation with them. If, however, you are considering ending the relationship, this might be the time to be open about that, too.
Talk about any concerns: Every resolution starts with the knowledge of what the problem is. Sit down and ask your partner exactly what’s going on. Since jealousy is an indicator that a person feels threatened or scared, it’s important that you listen with empathy and compassion, without telling them these feelings are wrong (especially if you know your partner has anxiety).
Pay more attention: Regardless of whether your partner’s jealousy may seem irrational to you, it’s important that you show them support. This is the time to show them extra care and attention mixed with an ample dose of love. This is a very sensitive period, so taking time to deliberately plan physical dates and outings will be helpful. This way they don’t start getting paranoid about what you may be doing since you’re not with them.
Set boundaries: Mild jealousy from a partner can be a healthy thing, however, if it becomes excessive or abusive (always seek help if you are being abused), then it’s crucial to discuss the behaviors you are willing to work through as well as the ones you have zero tolerance for.
Keep working on it: jealousy is an issue that will take time and effort to fix. At times it will feel time-consuming and emotionally draining, but it is important that you continue to be supportive, work to build trust, and make it clear that you’re committed to working on the problem together.