You’ve probably heard about the concept of love languages. Many of us are already living with the concept as a part of our everyday reality either consciously or unconsciously. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love.
It is important to find the love language that resonates with you the most as part of the process of self-discovery. Discovering you and your partner’s primary love language and speaking that language regularly may create a better understanding of each other’s needs and help to support each other’s growth.
What are the 5 love languages?
The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love. They are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
As a born-again Christian, it is important to ask the following questions:
- what does the bible say about love languages?
- Is the concept even biblical in the first place?
These are good questions to ask because we draw our source from the word of God as children of the Most-High. Anything contrary to the scripture is not even a consideration to begin with. The same way you don’t take your car to a carpenter to fix, understanding the mysteries of relationships and eventually marriage, requires the input of the original architect who designed the institution – God.
It is noteworthy to know that God speaks all 5 languages fluently and expects to receive the same from us. He also expects that we communicate with others through these languages.
Words of affirmation
Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
People that use words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgment and verbal expression of affection, these include frequently compliments, words of appreciation, encouragement and love. It is important they receive frequent validation from those they love, as well as, frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement. Doesn’t that sound like our relationship with God because the bible tells us He inhabits the praises of His people? Psalms 22:3
Quality time
Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
For those whose love language is quality time, they feel the most loved and appreciated when their partner deliberately makes out time to spend with them. For them it’s about their partner giving undivided and undiluted attention to them, without any form of distraction or any external interference. They particularly love when listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritized in the relationship.
Acts of services
John 13: 13-15 “Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.”
This group of people, value when their partner goes out of their way to make help out or make life easier for them. It’s things like running small errands without asking them to, caring for them when they are sick, stopping on the way back from work to bring them their favorite take-out dinner, picking up their dry cleaning when they’ve had a busy day at work. For these group it is more about actions speaking louder than words. They believe and respond to what they experience rather than what they are told.
Gifts
John 3: 16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
People whose love language is receiving gifts enjoy being gifted something that is both physical and meaningful. The key is to give meaningful things that matter to them and reflect their values, not necessarily yours. It’s all about putting some thought into the gift-giving process, not necessarily big gift items, but the little stuff that serve as visual symbols of love and memorabilia of time spent together or experiences shared. It’s the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present.
Physical touch
Matthew 17:7 “And Jesus came and touched them, and said, Arise, and be not afraid.”
It is interesting that Jesus used touch to calm His terrified disciples. For this group of people, it is the affirmation that comes with just knowing someone is present physically and this presence is expressed through touch. It’s more of a deep connection not necessarily spoken but felt even in silence. People with physical touch as their love language feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection, including hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, etc. Physical intimacy and touch can be incredibly affirming and serve as a powerful emotional connector for people with this love language.
Jesus used all five love languages and undoubtedly, he was a master at matching them with people appropriately. But even Jesus identified people’s love languages by listening. “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked the blind man in Luke 18:41. Your love language and that of your partner might be different, but you can only effectively find the right love language if you pay attention to what your partner requires. It’s all about your partner, not you. If everyone had this approach, relationships would be a lot better.