This is a very controversial topic for Christian’s today, and it is one I am excited to delve into. If we are to look into the bible at the natural order of proposals, we see a pattern backed up by scripture in which God brought the woman to Adam after creation and he toasted her Genesis 2: 22 – 23 “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” After this the concept of marriage was birthed in verse 24 – “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh..”
Another very widely used scripture is Proverbs 18: 22 “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” This implies that the duty of finding a wife is that of the man.
However, we find an interesting exception to this rule in Ruth 3: 7 – 10:
7 And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: and she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down.
8 And it came to pass at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself: and, behold, a woman lay at his feet.
9 And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.
10 And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich.
This is what the Gen Z’s call disruption. In this story after washing and dressing herself as her mother-in-law instructed her to, Ruth went and laid herself down at Boaz’s feet to sleep. At midnight he woke up and was afraid to find a woman at his feet. He asked her, “… Who art thou?”. And Ruth answered, “… I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman.” (Ruth 3:9)
She PROPOSED!
What Ruth is saying here is that because Boaz is the nearest living kinsman of her dead husband it is his duty, under the Levitical law, to marry her. She asks him to “spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid” which was an ancient phrase meaning to take a woman to marriage (see Ezekiel 16:8; Deuteronomy 22:30).
So, this begs the question – is it a sin or is it wrong for a woman to do this? The answer is No! There is nothing in the bible that suggests it is wrong! Having a man propose to a woman is the natural order of things, even as God designed it. Proverbs 18:22 “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, And obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Genesis 2: 22-25 “Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” However, there are exceptional cases and this does not amount to sin.
I have also come to discover that religion or spirituality (as it were) has a way of embracing culture in such a way that culture becomes a major part of it. So much so, the lines become blurred and one can’t tell the difference! In most cultures, it is the man’s duty to propose and if a woman does the chasing, then she is termed promiscuous. Men also become suspicious a lot of times when they are being chased.
Men are naturally configured to be hunters and they prefer to do the chasing. But in the event that all the signs are pointing to the woman, that she is the one, it’s also not healthy for the lady emotionally to be so close to the man and he doesn’t say anything. In such a case, the lady needs to prod him.
So how can a lady go about it? Ask him what his plans are regarding the relationship! Yes, that direct! Nobody has time to waste on somebody’s son, only for him to decide he isn’t sure at the end of the day. She can even ask a preemptive question like – “I sense this is where the relationship is going, what do you think?” Its either a yes or a no, but with that, you know where you are headed and you can forestall a heartbreak.
Ruth’s story made me realize that while people often think of the scriptures as being a tool for justifying traditional cultural roles for men and women, that in reality there are many stories in the scriptures that demonstrate reversed traditional gender roles. Get out of the box!