“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28
Every time this topic is up for discussion, the scripture above always plays out in my head. It is a declaration of the faithfulness of God and a reminder that we have a part to play in the eventual outcome of our destinies. How can we hold God true to His word, if we haven’t demonstrated our love through obedience?
Over the years I have engaged many young Christians who feel the bible is outdated in the concept of no sex before marriage. Many bring up seemingly valid reasons why they need to engage in premarital sex. Some have taken positions such as “If I don’t give him sex, he will go and get it elsewhere” or “how can I tell if he/she can satisfy me if we don’t try it out?”.
Time and again, a lot of their arguments point to the fact that they have either lost faith in the efficacy of God’s Word or they do not appreciate the faithfulness of God when obedience is complete. During such conversations, their arguments revolve around three broad categories, namely:
- Premarital sex can help determine compatibility
- Premarital sex can bring to the fore any sexual health or reproductive health issues
- Premarital sex can ensure loyalty
I will take the time to undo these myths and peel back the layers of untruths that have blinded those seeking to validate these three arguments.
Premarital sex can help determine compatibility
The issue of compatibility is one that highlights concerns such as longevity of the act, preference, experience and dexterity. The truth is that no one was born with the knowledge of what to do and how to do it, we all learn as we go along. There is nothing that cannot be learnt and if for some reason there has been some faulty learning along the way, it can be unlearned through patience and careful guidance.
There are certain misconceptions about sex that many need to unlearn. Some in the bid to fulfill some of these errors have found themselves taking enhancement drugs and developed complex health conditions in the process.
Sex is not about the race being to the swift or the battle being to the strong, rather it is a simple and enjoyable process that requires communication during the act with the aim of pleasuring your partner. If each partner decides to pleasure the other, questions about what the other partner likes will come up and this will lead to longevity of the act, while you gain experience on preference as you explore each other.
Why then do you need to do this before marriage? Marriage is not an employment situation where you need the candidate with the best qualifications, it is a partnership and you’re going in for the long haul!
Premarital sex can bring to the fore any sexual health or reproductive health issues
This is perhaps the most concerning of the three arguments. There are valid concerns about: if a man can have an erection, or if a woman can conceive etc.
Now the issue of an erection or reproductive health does not require you being a test-tube to determine if a man can have an erection or to impregnate a woman to ascertain if she can get pregnant. If you are really honest with yourself, there are medical tests that can give better insight into these issues. We have heard of situations where men have actively had erections for many years and maybe because of an infection or accident they suddenly lose the ability to have an erection. We have also seen situations where women lose their ability to bear children due to age or certain medical conditions. What then happens to the lady who has diligently auditioned her partner’s ability to stand at attention? What happens to the man who (God forbid) loses his child after some years, long after his wife has lost the ability to birth another? Please, don’t let sin corrupt your testimony. Let your obedience be complete so you can hold God to His Word.
Premarital sex can ensure loyalty
This is perhaps the most laughable of all three arguments. Contrary to your position, premarital sex is the most guaranteed way of losing your partner to disloyalty. If your partner is putting you under pressure using this excuse, the problem is not that you’re not giving your partner sex, the problem is that your partner is dealing with lust!
Truth is anyone dealing with lust can never be faithful. It is only a matter of time before he gets tired and looks elsewhere. What you both need to deal with is the lust and not serving yourself as a palatable platter on the altar of sin. No matter how sweet a dish is, it is never enough to satisfy hunger. Very soon, you will require another meal!
In conclusion: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28. The question to ask yourself is this: Can I say I truly love God if I do not obey His commandments? The answer is simple: John 14: 15 “If ye love me, keep my commandments.”