If you no get standards as a child of God wetin you get? For the benefit of our international audience, we opened in pidgin (a modified form of English usually mixed with local dialects) and it is translated as: “If you don’t have standards as a child of God, then what do you have?”
If you’ve been trying to date for a while and are still single, you may be wondering, are my standards too high? There is absolutely nothing wrong with having standards for dating — you don’t want to settle or be so desperate to date anyone. But how do you know when your standards are too high? It also begs for the question – what are dating standards or relationship standards that you should have?
Please permit me to make the assumption that you are looking for a relationship that will end in marriage. If this is the case, we will take our reference from the bible, 1 Peter 3: 1-7, which gives a template of a model Christian marriage. You should also understand that dating or courtship is a dress rehearsal for marriage.
1. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2. While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4. But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6. Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
7. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Dating Standards you should have.
Below is a list of dating standards or relationship standards that you should consider when dating someone:
The person values you and treats you with respect
A critical look at our base scripture gives us insight into this dynamic of mutual respect in a Christian relationship. It starts in verse 1 by telling the women to be in subjection to their husbands and ends in verse 7 telling the men to honor their wives.
You share the same faith or spiritual beliefs
Verse 7 specifically mentions that you are joint heirs together of the grace of life. It is important that you both draw from the same source spiritually so you can deal with life’s issues as a team. 2 Corinthians 6: 14 admonishes – “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
You actually enjoy hanging out together
Stop over spiritualizing your relationship. If you will spend the rest of your life with someone then you better love their company! You must understand that physical attraction won’t last forever, the sex drive will reduce, but the friendship is forever. Work on the friendship.
You feel some type of attraction toward them, either toward their physical appearance or their personality
Does this person make you feel gbish gbish? Are you physically attracted to him/her? Well, it doesn’t necessarily mean that is the person for you, but it’s an added advantage.
The other person is not currently in a relationship and shows that he is ready to be in a relationship
Relationships are usually between two people. If there should ever be a third person in the relationship, that should be God. Never assume the other person is not in a relationship, ask direct questions and be certain you are the only one that is rocking their world!
You share the same core values on major life decisions (politics, family values, spiritual, etc.)
Values – define you! So, imagine losing yourself to someone who has no values. 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” It is important that you find out everything you can about your partner’s background, family, spiritual values, political alignments – everything! You also need to ensure that those values align with yours to avoid stories that touch the heart.
The person is not stingy but a giving person
A stingy person is a red flag and this goes both ways. This is not necessarily about material things like expensive gifts or maybe a shopping spree or vacation. However, basic gestures that show that the person is willing to share with you out of the little resources available will go a long way to eliminate any doubt that if they have more, they will do more. You also have to demonstrate the same spirit in giving, as you are also being assessed by the same standard.
Maturity
The entire base scripture 1 Peter 3: 1-7 captures succinctly the concept of maturity. It takes maturity to submit. It goes ahead to tell the man to deal with the woman with knowledge, knowing she is the weaker vessel in verse 7. Maturity is key, because they way each individual handles challenges, pressure, even opportunities and success is critical to the longevity of the relationship.
The person has a job, is working toward pursuing a degree or is productively engaged.
The first thing God did after He created man was to give him a job. Genesis 2: 15. One of the reasons for creating the woman, apart from ensuring the man isn’t lonely, is to ensure that the man has help meet for him. Genesis 2: 18. Nobody wants a liability, please ensure your partner is productively engaged and will bring value to your partnership.